Episode 5 – Podcasters Choice – Anything goes on this edition of What the Lyric. Becky and Matthew choose their favorite bad lyrics from any decade and and genre. One is from 2016 and the other is from 1978. Who will be victorious?
[Music playing 00:00:06]
Becky: Welcome. To What he Lyric? the podcast that confirms, yeah, that actually made it to radio.
Hello and welcome to What the Lyric? Today and What the Lyric? podcasters choice, we pick apart whatever song we want, it’s a free for all. And I have picked something recent.
Becky: I think it still fits into the me-too movement theme I got going on.
Matthew: I do have to ask first though. Most hated bands…
Becky: These guys.
Matthew: Across the board…
Matthew: Do not tell me yet. But any others like…
Becky: These guys.
Matthew: Was it an easy choice for you to make?
Becky: Yes. It was so… The first song that James Arthur, horrific train wreck of a wedding song that people are using. That one and I think this one are the reason that this podcast exists.
Matthew: There was no other song. That popped into your head?
Becky: Nope. This one. I was like and this is it. There are a couple others. That I thought of because they were funny, but I was like, no, I hate this one immensely. Like. So much, so much
Matthew: Fascinating. See! Mine was less generated by hatred and more confusion. Because I do have… This is again a favourite song of mine.
Becky: Kind of how bizarre confusion?
Matthew: It is precisely how bizarre. I think everyone has heard the song and everyone has been like the fuck. I am excited to get into that.
Becky: Then I am going to let you go first, because…
Matthew: End on the hatred note but start with confusion.
Becky: I have got a heavy dissertation going on over here.
Matthew: I mean, it is going to take, you no time to get…
Matthew: What this song is. I am trying to think. Let me find. Oh, the songwriter is Jimmy Webb. And you know what…
Becky: Jimmy Webb?
Matthew: You’re going to have to think of more of the 70s. This is coming out of the 70s. I am breaking my millennial streak and also my 2008 streak.
Becky: Does it have to do with pina colada?
Matthew: It does not, although that is a fantastic song and I will not hear a word about those lyrics. I am going to skip the part where the song title is. Well, let’s just start at the beginning. Spring was never waiting for us, dear. It ran one-step ahead as we followed in the dance.
Blank is melting in the dark. There is your first clue.
Becky: Is this MacArthur Park?
Matthew: Yes, and I…
Becky: And I can’t tell you how much I love this song for craziness of it.
Matthew: Right, but precisely right. If you look at the lyrics and this is a fantastic song by Donna Summer.
Becky: Oh, no. It is not, have you read the history of this?
Matthew: I have read a part of it. I don’t know all of it. I love the Donna Summer version.
Becky: Oh, that is the classic. That one. Yes. Then Anthony Clark, a comedian, did a version. Well, he did a part about this song and his bit, which always made me giggle. We used to play this at work, I looked it up, and there was somebody that did a cover of it. That we then spent a good half an hour trying to find so that we could play it. Now I get to look it up. But yes, MacArthur Park, genius.
Matthew: So I already knew off the bat, like, this is going to be low on the yikes scale. because…
Becky: Oh, it is so good.
Matthew: It is a phenomenal song if you have not heard it. But again, the entire thing is about MacArthur Park.
Becky: Cake out in the rain.
Matthew: And supposedly, it is supposed to be about the park because it says MacArthur’s park is melting in the dark.
Matthew: All the sweet green icing flowing down, presumably foliage.
Matthew: And then it just goes off the fucking rails and it is like someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it. Cause it took so long to bake it.
Becky: Oh, my God.
Matthew: And I will never have that…
Becky: Here is when I hear the disco [Making noise 00:4:48] noise, yeah.
Matthew: There is so much going on in the song and this person is lamenting it took so long to bake it and I will never have that recipe again. And the series of oh no. Like you cannot describe the depth of emotion captured by that no.
Becky: So good. It is so good. And it’s a seven minute long song. Also my favourite, it was Waylon Jennings.
Matthew: I did not know Waylon Jennings.
Becky: Including a 1969 Grammy winning version by Waylon Jennings. And you can hear how pissed off he was singing that. Like he’s fuckin lyrics don’t mean shit. He was probably drunk or stone or whatever.
Matthew: [Inaudible 00:5:30]
Becky: Yeah. Oh, amazing. Waylon Jennings, Grammy won a Grammy.
Matthew: Did not know that. Also, I apologize, it was not in the 70s but it was in the 60s.
Becky: Yeah, 69. Yeah. I had to look it up.
Matthew: General area.
Becky: 68 was when it was first recorded. But you were close. It is a known area for the Donna Summer one.
Becky: My mom had that album by the way.
Matthew: I mean it is phenomenal. And the thing is, there aren’t many lyrics here. And I would argue that none of them are terrible. It is just so fucking weird. Like I recall the yellow cotton dress. Okay, that makes sense presumably someone wearing it, foaming like a wave. That makes absolutely no sense. And the ground beneath your knees, even less sense. Like how do you track and create lyrics that make absolute zero sense when you take three sentences together.
Becky: Let’s be honest. Late 60s, the whole summer of love coming up soon.
Matthew: Wholesome non-drug usage
Becky: Probably a lot of drugs happening. Why is there a cake reference? What the whole cake reference?
Matthew: Like looks at a park and says, you know, I really want to go to the cake.
Becky: It looks like a cake.
Matthew: Everything that I walk around this park screams cake.
Becky: I have never had a park look like a cake. Yeah,
Matthew: I would want to go the park more if it did.
Becky: That’s again, that’s an acid trip. And I may or may not have seen things that looked unlike that.
Matthew: It’s just like so weird because someone… Interesting fact, though, if you look at the lyrics, the first time you hear about the cake. It says someone left the cake out in the rain. She says it again; someone left the cake out in the rain. A little bit later on the song, the final stanza…
Becky: Does it becomes her cake?
Matthew: It does. It said someone left my cake out in the rain. And I don’t think that I can take it because it took so long to bake it. And I’ll never have that recipe again.
Becky: I will tell you what. After the whole cake off that we had at work, I understand that layer…
Matthew: There was a cake off?
Becky: We had the cake off. The Halloween theme, Friday the 13th, cake off.
Matthew: Well, we should clarify that this cake off was not for October Friday the 13th. It was a September Friday.
Becky: Yeah it was September, Friday 13th, a Halloween. It was more horror Friday 13th inspired cake off that we did it work. And yeah, I get that. I get that. The It cake I did was rough. I will never do that one again. And I hope I never remember that recipe because it did take so long to bake it.
Matthew: And you will never do that recipe again.
Becky: And I will never do that recipe again. Yeah. So yeah, I get it. I understand where she’s coming from on that. I mean, I get it. I am with her.
Matthew: I know. All of them get it. I mean I personally don’t understand the analogy of a park to a cake.
Becky: So good.
Matthew: The emotion in it, regardless of how…
Becky: She is good.
Matthew: batshit crazy the lyric are.
Matthew: I honestly give this zero yikes. Because it is, weird but I just wanted to bring it because it is a favourite song.
Becky: It is so good.
Matthew: And it make so a little sense.
Becky: Yeah. It makes no sense whatsoever. It is so good. So good. All right. So mine.
Matthew: Who do you hate? Oh, it might be recent. I might get it.
Becky: It is from 2016.
Matthew: Ariana Grande?
Becky: Oh, no, it’s a group and then another singer. These guys are known also for being producers, but they do all these collabs, as the kids say. And this was the first time that I heard them. At first I was like, well, this is kind of bland. Then I start listening to lyrics and I wanted to punch them in the face.
Matthew: I am intrigued.
Becky: Okay let me read some of the lyrics. Here is how it starts. Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you. I drink too much and that is an issue, but I am okay. No. hey! tell your friends it was nice to meet them, but I hope I never see them again. I know it breaks your heart. Moved to the city in a broke down car. In 4 years, no calls. Now you are looking pretty in a hotel bar.
And I can’t stop. No, I can’t stop.
Matthew: I remember vaguely the song and I would not remember it if I had not heard you. Months ago talking about how much you hate this band.
Becky: Eviscerate this band. Yeah.
Matthew: I forget what the song is called, but is it The Chainsmokers?
Becky: Oh, it is.
Both Speakers: And Halsey.
Matthew: That is it.
Becky: I necessarily have issue with Halsey. I have a lot of issues with the fucking Chainsmokers. First off, let us just start with. I drink too much and that is an issue, but I am okay. No, clearly you are not. This is what AA is.
Matthew: I have issue but I am okay.
Becky: I’m okay. No, it is intervention time. Then like he sees you looking pretty good in a hotel bar? This is the dude that broke up with you because you got fat. Then comes back and is like, whoa! Somebody lost some weight. And wants to get back in on it. No, and then it goes in to baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover that I know you can’t afford. Come on. You don’t know that. You have been away from her for four years. She could be doing well because she did not have that frickin rock of an ex hanging around her.
Matthew: Dragging her down.
Becky: Yeah. Pull the sheets right off the corner of the mattress you stole from the roommate back in Boulder. There are several issues here. First off, bed bugs.
Matthew: Absolutely riddled with them. There is no way she is not.
Becky: God knows what else is on that mattress. Or has been on that mattress. There is not enough steam cleaning. or defogging or what you do with a mattress to kill anything that is on it. You should have just left that out in the backyard or on the side of the street somehow. No, gross. So gross. I can’t even. How is that a lyric in a song way?
Matthew: Wait, pause because technically wait. Not only bed bugs would be a concern, but she…
Both Speakers: Stole it.
Becky: From her roommate.
Matthew: Yeah, at what point…
Becky: We don’t know.
Matthew: Did she just decide to up and leave while the like roommate was at work. Oh, shit this is a nice like Caspar mattress. Caspar if you would like to sponsor this podcast.
Matthew: Please contact us.
Becky: I picture like the tablecloth trick. Roommate sleeping whip the mattress out from underneath there. Drops 0n the box spring and runs.
Matthew: Done, love it.
Becky: That is what I am picturing. Gross, cooties. You don’t know what that roommate’s done on that mattress. What if that roommate blacked out, drunk, peed on the bed or…
Becky: Worse or, you know, maybe…
Matthew: There are so many imagination.
Becky: There is so, many fluids that could be on that bed.
Matthew: And likely are.
Becky: Again, not enough steam cleaning or de-fogging or whatever you could do.
Matthew: When they say get a new mattress every eight years, they mean get a new mattress from the factory, not a new mattress to you. So don’t steal your roommates mattress.
Becky: Yeah and no amount of mattress bag or pads could get me further away. I am like the princess and the pea. I would be like, I still now that there is pee there.
Matthew: Wow! Again, well done.
Becky: Yeah. Then he just like we ain’t ever getting older. You are, you are, you are, you turd, you are, you are. I can’t stand these guys. Then now all of a sudden he is like, you look as good as the day I met you. I forgot just why I left you. Cause you are a turd. I think we have established you are an alcoholic turd. Because you have a drinking problem, but you are okay with it. The first reason to leave the guy, I don’t know why you even went back. I mean, granted, maybe your whole revenge plot was the mattress did have some sort of cooties and you put him down there first was like, I will be right back.
Matthew: Good lie.
Becky: While all the bugs jump on him.
Matthew: Abandon ship.
Becky: Yeah, I mean, I can’t. I would not. Then he says, stay and play that Blink-182 song, right there
Matthew: Yeah, which is it…That one?
Becky: I’m out. Blink-182. Are we that old?
Matthew: Wait, which one is it?
Becky: Blink-182. There is so many. Oh, it’s the one that they beat to death in Tucson. Did they beat the Blink-182 to death?
Matthew: Blink-182 death.
Becky: Then it just goes the course. I know I broke your heart. I know it breaks your heart. Moved to a city in a broke down car and four years later didn’t call. I don’t know why? Why?
Matthew: This go back into your craw.
Becky: I was like, what the…This is bull shit. You don’t know I can’t afford a Rover. I am paying for your sad ass. And not four years later I’ve been able to save up for a Rover and then bite the tattoo on your shoulder. No, you ain’t touching me.
Matthew: Gross don’t?
Becky: Get your get your shit away. Get your…
Matthew: Bed bug infested.
Becky: You need to get back to the hole. Just get on track. Now I am looking pretty in a hotel bar.
Matthew: Wait, he is saying that?
Becky: That is her singing it now.
Matthew: Oh, yikes.
Becky: I mean. I am sure you are Halsey. You are a good looking gal. But…And I and I can’t stop. No, I can’t stop. Yeah. It is called self-control.
Matthew: Yeah. No, I have…
Becky: I can’t stand this, I can’t… everything.
Matthew: What I love about this. Going back to the we ain’t ever getting older because I’m like, wait. You already admitting you have a drinking problem. So like, that is for sure. Aging your liver.
Becky: You are going to get aged quick.
Matthew: But your band is The Chainsmokers. Yeah, like all are 100 percent getting old just because you are going to die young. Does that mean you are not getting older?
Becky: Yeah. Then they have a collab with Coldplay that I just hear everywhere. Is that I want something just like this. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. I can’t.
Mathew: Oh, I never heard it.
Becky: Oh, you have.
Matthew: Have I?
Becky: You have. Yeah, it is fucking everywhere. That one, they have another one, and I was like, oh, this sounds like…oh it is The Chainsmokers. This feeling maybe. I don’t know. I can’t. They just need to stop. They need to really take stock of what, the hell they are doing. I am sure they are great producers. I don’t give a shit. Just don’t sing anymore. Don’t write any more lyrics. Just produce the music. Be happy with making that money. You are good looking guys. You get whatever you want.
Matthew: You will be fine.
Becky: You will be giving the ladies. It is not a big deal. Just stop singing and putting out this piece of crap.
Matthew: Now the question I have. Is, how many yikes you assigning it? One is the worst. Are you going for one?
Becky: There are a big fat one for me, across the board. You could go, hey, The Chainsmokers. Nope. one. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. They could do something with Pavarotti. And I’m still like, no. They could bring Elvis back from the dead. And I will still say, no. Beatles back from the dead. Nope, nothing. There is nothing. Yeah.
Matthew: What, if they cured cancer?
Matthew: That is hard maybe.
Becky: Maybe if they cured cancer and never recorded again…
Becky: I would pump it up to two. But they won’t stop producing crap.
Becky: It is in their blood now. They have had like two or three hits. So now they’re like, yeah,
Matthew: We are band.
Becky: We fucking rock. Everything we touch turns to gold bitches. Yeah. No.
Becky: I hate them. I hate them. Oh, my God, they make my skin crawl. I hate so much.
Matthew: It is important to have that. I was like, okay, this is good, you know. James Arthur,
Becky: James Arthur and The Chainsmokers.
Matthew: Wait for that collab. When that does inevitably happen. We will have to talk about it here.
Becky: Oh, it is going to happen. You know it is going to happen.
Matthew: If it has not already.
Becky: The sweet, sweet dulcet tones of James Arthur followed by the. I don’t even know what the producing style of the…
Matthew: The Chainsmokers
Becky: The Chainsmokers.
Matthew: We know that there singing style will be slurred because both of them have drinking problem.
Becky: Yes. It is all about alcohol, and I am pretty sure it’ll take forever because I have to keep stopping for a smoke break, run out side. Then come back in and be like, all right, let’s do it.
Matthew: Ah, the wheeze.
Matthew: Just wait for the smokers hack.
Becky: Before, okay. Let me just clears out. [Making coughing hacking sound 00:19:20] All right I am ready, and then…
Both speakers: That is the dulcet of James Arthur.
Becky: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Matthew: Wow! Cause there, you know. Puff, huffing and puffing.
Becky: I am trying to think. They don’t even really singing that song. It is like doing just fine before. Like mumbling of, yeah.
Matthew: [Inaudible 00:19:40-45]
Becky: Yeah. It is like a teenager who’s doesn’t want to talk to his parents. That is what it is like. That is how they sound to me.
Matthew: They just get close to the microphone [Inaudible 00:19:57].
Becky: I am pretty sure that’s how they do it.
Matthew: You know the mumblers.
Becky: Yeah. Oh my God. Oh…
Matthew: Mumble core.
Becky: I dislike…the mattress you stole from…What is wrong with you people? Have we not heard of hygiene? I mean.
Matthew: They, no.
Becky: Bleach? anything. Please, dear God.
Matthew: You have the money. Please buy a new mattress.
Becky: Yeah. You could buy 50 or 40, however.
Matthew: I think we should make several pleas here. The first is please send us pizza or cake whenever you so desire. Check out the Website.
Becky: Oh, yes.
Becky: Nice one. I am glad you pulled that one because I didn’t. I was not even thinking about it.
Matthew: And specifically, we are going to make a plead directly to The Chainsmokers to use their money, put their money to good use and buy a new mattress. You deserve it, Casper mattresses.
Becky: Just buy a new mattress every year because if this song is any indication of what you are going through and doing. Maybe even every six months.
Matthew: Wait; was the name of the song? Remind me.
Matthew: That is a closer. Well, that will be.
Becky: I don’t want to get closer. I don’t want to get closer to that mattress. I don’t want to get closer to them. I don’t want to get closer to anything in this song. I don’t understand. Why are we just glossing over your alcoholism? That is like a one-liner. Like yeah! I know I drink too much. It is all right.
Matthew: No, it is not a problem.
Becky: I am a throw up on that mattress you stole from your roommate. Then I am going to pass out, blackout and pee on it like…
Matthew: You are going to love it.
Becky: Oh and why do you want to take that back?
Matthew: No, instead of closer. That was will be our closer.
Becky: Oh, I like it.
Matthew: Well, what will we be talking about next time?
Becky: Next time. Its party anthems.
Matthew: What kind of party anthems?
Becky: Yeah, it’s kinda open… children’s birthday party. So party anthems I took to mean a song that everyone sings along to has their own kind of version of it when they sing. Or is like the go to karaoke one or like the end of the night drunky song that everybody sings drunk to. That is what I kind of took as the party anthem.
Matthew: I have mine. I don’t know if it’s from 2008, but it’s probably close.
Becky: Minds of course, from the 80s. This I believe, is the first one that does not fit into the me too movement theme. I finally found one.
Matthew: We’re doing good work.
Becky: Maybe I can work it there. I got to look at the lyrics again, but I’m pretty sure it’s not really, me too. It is more stalker-y.
Matthew: Okay, in the family of but not directly under the category.
Becky: Yeah, there is no overt booty references.
Matthew: Mambo number 5?
Becky: There is no donkey… ass
Matthew: With a monkey
Becky: Yeah, no big old butt kind of thing.
Matthew: Not yet.
Becky: Not yet. Although I don’t know. It would be hilarious to have this. Yes next time. Party anthems. I cannot wait for mine.
Matthew: Well, I am excited and we will talk ‘atcha then?
Becky: Yes. Talk to you soon.